Mama's 1st Year & Birth Story (finally)

*Disclaimer: This post will feature my take on MY pregnancy, delivery and the year that followed.  That will include the pleasant and not so pleasant and yes, pictures.  If there are any men that happen to be reading, you can stop here.  That means you Dad.

So I've been thinking about this post for a couple of weeks now and finally decided to do it.  Everyone puts up their posts about their babies stats and milestones and all their progress but as much as a baby changes in their first year so does the Mom.  I remember telling Ray & Sue on several occasions when discussing future vacations and the like that I couldn't commit to anything because I didn't know what kind of baby I would have or what kind of Mom I would be.  Isn't that the truth.  I'm not really sure how I would describe myself but overall I think I'm a great Mom - just at little on the overprotective paranoid side.  But that's OK too.

I was totally unprepared for his actual birth.  Yes, you heard me.  The girl who read like 4 pregnancy books and followed every pregnancy blog and birth club online was SO unprepared for the actual birth.  But not in the way that you might think.  You see that c-section chapter in all those books?  I skipped them.  That wasn't even an option for me.  I had envisioned this whole I am Woman, Hear Me Roar birth process when I would spit an 8 1/2 lb baby out with the help of much needed drugs while wearing full make-up with my hair done.  I even grew my hair out so I could get it in a ponytail and keep it out of my face while I was in "labor."  Yeah.  Right.

I had a regular doctors appointment scheduled for that day that I almost missed because of car trouble.  After Kevin got me a loaner from Pontiac RV I was on my way.  Thank God I didn't miss that appointment.  After Dr Austman checked me out she asked me about movement and I told her that his movement had slowed down a lot or that maybe I just hadn't noticed it as much because I was so busy at work.  She wanted to monitor him just to be safe.  So I went in a back room at the office and sat in a recliner for about 20 minutes with the heart rate monitor strapped to my belly.  I was in there by myself and starting to get a little worried when the beeps weren't steady.  His heart rate was all over the place.  120's, 160's, 80's.... When she came in and read the print out she asked if I would go to Gibson to be monitored for an hour. 

At this point I wasn't nervous and even contemplated not calling Dustin home from the golf course.  I went home and changed out of my work clothes and picked up my book.  I did call Dustin and my Mom.  Dustin came home and Mom told us to wait for her.  They made me take "the bag."  I was so mad.  I told them I would not be staying and I didn't need "the bag."  But I knew something was up when I walked into the OB and there were 2 nurses waiting for me in the hallway.  So after I was stripped down and poked and prodded Dr Kate still didn't like what his heart rate was doing.  She decided to give me pitocin and see what happened. 

I was on the pitocin for all of 10 minutes and it seemed to make matters worse.  She told me it would be best for the baby to have a c-section.  I was crushed.  I just bawled.  I was 38 weeks and we knew that he was big enough but I was still not prepared to have a c-section.  Especially that night.  With no warning.  Um excuse me, but didn't I just go in for a routine check-up an hour and a half ago?

We waited for a little bit for Dr Brewer to get there and then probably the weirdest part happened.  I walked into the operating room.  I walked down the hall clutching the back of my hospital gown pulling my IV and walked into the OR, which, honest to God looked like the embalming room at Duffy's in Chenoa.  Same green tile on the walls.  Yuck.  I would have thought they would have at least wheeled me in or something.  So I got my spinal and remember being so afraid of the first cut, that I would feel it.  Dustin all but ignored me through the whole thing because he was too busy looking over the curtain and watching the everything.  So I listened to Sweet Home Alabama on the radio and the Dr's discussing the days events over my belly.  It was such a surreal feeling.  When they told me I might feel pressure it felt like an elephant sat on my chest. 

Then I heard him.  While I was pregnant my friend Mel told me of childbirth "If you don't believe in God, You will."  Truer words have never been spoken.  It was an awesome feeling.  I hate that I didn't really get to see him right away.  I got a peek before Asher and Dustin disappeared and they stapled me back together.  There is a video of me being wheeled back to the recovery room and I told whoever was filming that it was the easiest thing I had ever done.  At the time I really thought so.  Why would anyone ever want to actually give birth when they can just cut that baby right out?!?!  So they took me into the room and Lola, one of my nurses was chatting away with me and then I realized that she had my leg up in the air putting support hose on me.  I didn't even notice.  Wow.  That spinal shit works.

BUT it wears off.  That was when I knew why people avoid c-sections.  I couldn't move, cough, sneeze.  I actually dreaded when they would take the catheter out because that would mean I would have to get up to go the bathroom.  When I did finally get up on the second day they put me in a chair and I sat there ALL DAY because I didn't want to have to get up.  When they told me it was time to get back in bed I stood up and flooded the floor with blood.  I've never seen my Dad run so fast.  The worst part?  My family laughed at me.  And the more they laughed, the more I laughed and the more it hurt and the more blood that came gushing out.  The nurses had to take me in the bathroom and strip me naked to clean me up.  And they left the door open - And there were people in my room.  How embarrassing.  Stupid me thought that maybe since I had a c-section I wouldn't bleed as bad - no such luck.


But we made it home and he was perfect!  My belly was so bloated though I looked like I was still about 5 months pregnant.  I was so sore those first couple of weeks that I can't even begin to explain to you what its like.  I felt like I would never be able to sit up from laying down again - or walk up stairs without holding my belly - or even bend over.  My poor sister had to help me dry off and get dressed when I got out of the shower in the hospital and the first couple of days at home.  She told me that she won't do that next time :(  And the staples pulled.  Bad.  They seemed to catch all the time and I was so happy when they were finally taken out.  I was pretty depressed in the beginning looking at that nasty thing knowing I was stuck with it for the rest of my life.


So what has happened to me in the past year?  A lot.  I'm no fun anymore but that's OK.  I think I've drank as much beer since I found out I was pregnant (going on 2 yrs) as I did the night of my parents anniversary party.  My bedtime is now 8:00.  I have had a babysitter at night once and it was pretty much just to say that I had done it before he turned a year old.  I'm just not interested in going out anymore.


I lost some hair.  Around my temples.  The past couple of months its been coming back in and I have all these short hairs in the front and it looks terrible.


I've lost a lot of weight too.  Yes, pat me on the freakin back.  The day I had him I weighed in at 166 lbs.  When I came home from the hospital I weighed right around 150.  I thought I was doing great!  I put it on my little calendar that I would weigh 120 lbs by the time I went back to work, September 1st.  I mean, come on, I would be off for 3 months and would be able to take him on walks and even work out while he was napping and HELLO isn't breastfeeding supposed to make you skinny?  Needless to say September came and went and the scales never dipped below 145 pounds.  I threw away all of my "skinny clothes" and just figured that it was physically impossible for my body to ever be that size again.  Then in January I decided to set a new goal.  120 lbs by the time his first birthday rolled around.  That was a little more realistic.  I started my new migraine medicine in February and that helped me cut out the pop and I'll have you know that when I weighed myself the morning of his birthday I weighed 121 lbs!  Yay for me!!!  yes, I just put my weight out there for the world to see but you know what - I'm proud of myself and don't really give a shit what people think either way :)   

No, I don't pose like this often, I cropped my cutie and Dustin out of this picture.  Actually I don't even like this one but its the only one I have of myself without a Little Man clinging to me. 


My boobs are gross.  I mean really gross.  And Milissa tried to tell me but I didn't listen.  I really thought I had enough substance to withstand a few months of breastfeeding and still come out with about the same boobs as I had.  Boy was I wrong.  They're squishy and floppy.  So sad.  I went to Von Maur for a bra fitting a few weeks ago and was surprised to find that I was in the same size as I was before.  This time, however, I had to buy a push-up bra for the first time since high school.


Speaking of squishy.  My belly.  Yeah its back to being flat but it just isn't the same.  And I do still have a faint linea nigra running from my belly button down.  Wonder when that will go away? 


I guess since we're movin on down we can talk about my c-section scar.  Something I once thought would be so terrible has actually turned out to be no big deal at all!  Its even kind of cute, looks like its smiling.  I almost wish I would have taken a picture of it when I came home from the hospital because you never would have believed it would look this good.  Its only a couple of inches long.  Hard to believe they could pull a 7.5 lb baby out of there.  So for all of you who are curious as to what one might look like, here it is: 1 year post pregnancy:

And a big Thanks to Dr Austman for doing such a good job putting me back together :)