January 6, 2012

Mommy Guilt

This pregnancy has been different in almost every way possible.  I have felt different this whole time and my feelings this time are different.  With Asher there was tons of excitement because he was our first.  By this time with Asher we had ordered the furniture, bedding and his closet was already half full.  I was so excited to find out we were having another boy.  I had a boy name picked out, I have TONS of boy clothes, his room (Asher's old room) is pretty much ready to go for Brudder, and I think little boys are the best...

But that's where the excitement kind of ended.  I feel bad because every time I pick up an adorable newborn sleeper I think to myself :: I have 10 of these at home ::  then I put it back down.  Sure, I've bought him a few things - that is IF you count the 5 value size boxes of diapers in his closet. 

Yesterday Beau and Jodi found out they're having a boy.  This is awesome because #1 - Beau really wanted a boy.   The night of the UFC fight he asked me if they were going to have another girl if we could just switch. #2 - Brudder will have a playmate for life.  #3 - Little boys are the best.  Jodi and I were talking today and she said how excited she is to be able to go shopping and buy the little guy all new clothes and things.  I told her since I have pretty much everything he would ever need I feel guilty buying more boy stuff.

I want to go shopping and buy Brudder all kinds of new things - but its just stupid to buy a bunch of stuff that we already have - x 10.  Then I feel bad because I feel like this lil guy will never have anything but Asher's hand-me-Downs.  Poor kid.  Is this how it was with The Sister?  I don't know what it will be like once he's here but part of me wonder's if Asher will always take up most of my time/energy - I guess that's because right now I can't imagine trying to divide what little time I have at home between the boys.  Will my Mom still treat them both to a new toy/prize every Wednesday when she watches them like she does with Asher when there are 2 of them? 

I ran to Wal-Mart on my lunch today and decided to cruise the baby section.  I was intent on buying him something.  Do you know what I walked out of there with?  A onesie (yes, not even a 3 pack) and a couple of packages of nipples for bottles.  It was depressing.  I still picked something up and then thought about it and put it back down.  If you ever read this Lil Guy - I'm sorry, Mommy loves you but can't help that your brother was terribly spoiled before you were born.

Ok, I'm done now.  Happy Friday!



5 comments:

Sara T said...

Griffin got all Gavin's hand me downs and Garrett got all of someone else's hand me downs. I think it is just smart spending. Why buy stuff when you already have it? I feel like even though the two youngest ones have hand me downs and they probably always will (unless Griffin passes up Gavin in size)it shouldn't really matter and they still know that I love them. And you will be able to divide your time and love, actually I think your love will just grow and multiple. It just happens and you will make special time with both of them. Keep your chin up!!!

Tess Weber-Popejoy said...

Sara, I was thinking of you while I was writing this actually. I guess I just feel "bad" that things with this one won't be like they were with Asher. I want him to have all the same things/love Asher had. Haha I guess he will LITERALLY have all of the same things Asher has :) I just don't want me or him to ever feel like he isn't as special.

Lukesmommy25 said...

It is hard to imagine how you will feel until he is here, but you will have lots of love and attention for them both! Btw, I am my parent's 4th child and 3rd daughter and I only had hand me downs, and I never minded, and I always felt loved! I always thought it was pretty special to have older siblings! Your son is going to be so lucky to have you as his mom!

Carlee Gerber said...

Tess I just want you to know that if you want to get rid of ANYTHING of Asher's I will buy it and then you can get Brudder some new...ok so that was my selfish side coming out! I am so excited to have a boy, but we need EVERYTHING! I haven't even began to look at clothes because I find it overwhelming! He will definitely feel loved and he will have a best bud in Asher!

Laura K. said...

I hear you! It's hard at birthday and Christmas too!!