I'm hesitant of even typing this out because after Asher's Birth I know that some things don't go according to plan. I thought I was prepared for Asher's birth but when he came a couple of weeks early via emergency c-section I wasn't ready. The thought of a c-section had never even crossed my mind. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with this lil guy I started looking into VBAC's and asked Dr Austman if it was an option. I was SO excited when she told me she thought I had a great chance at having a VBAC (because my c-section was because of Asher and not me). Beyond that I didn't really have any plans. A couple of months ago I started thinking a little more seriously about trying to do this without medication. Yes, I just said that. But after reading Leah's unplanned med-free birth story with Isaac and her planned med-free birth story with Ezra I was even more convinced that it was something I wanted to look into. Then a couple of weeks ago I read how Katie was grateful that her epi wore off and she was able to feel the pain of childbirth and I was sold.
Although I am so grateful that Asher was healthy when he arrived his birth wasn't what I thought it would be. At first I think I was just so overwhelmed by the whole experience, then I was just trying to heal and take care of a newborn that I didn't really think about HOW he got here. It really wasn't until I was pregnant this second time that I reflected on his birth and how I feel about it. I don't want to say that I felt "cheated" because in the end all I wanted was a healthy baby and that is what I got. I think it more has to do with the fact that this is my last baby (according to my husband) so I want to do it MY way.
After Asher was born they held him up for me to see him for a few seconds and that was it. I watched his birth video a couple of months ago and there was Dustin in the nursery with him while I was being put back together. There were my Mother-In-Laws fussing over my newborn that I hadn't really even gotten to see yet. There was me being wheeled into the recovery room completely dazed and out of it. I did not get a chance to hold my baby and have some "alone time" because of all of the family there wanting to see him. Not that I can really blame them - we do make pretty cute babies. But this time - I want it to be different.
I guess its the part of me that feels the need for control. I want to actually experience the whole birth process. I want to be the first person to bond with my baby. So I'm hoping that this time things go a little more according to plan. BUT that doesn't mean that I'm naive enough to think that another c-section isn't a possibility or that I won't be screaming for an epidural before we even get to the hospital.
Dustin is still trying to get me to opt for a c-section because it is just "easier." I told him if he has the next child he can choose how he wants to give birth. My Mom (who will be with me) has told me repeatedly that I'm a wuss and I'll never make it. Gee, thanks Mom. I really do think my saving grace will be Lynn. Not only is she one of the most calming and supportive people I've ever met - but I know for a fact that she'll be the one there to encourage me through this. No offense to Dustin and Mom whom I both love to death - but I think they will be totally stressing me out - or maybe they'll totally surprise me. I guess we'll see. Although I do want my Mom there for labor/birth I have told her as soon as he is born she'll need to get out. I want that time alone as a family. And I've expressed to family that we'll let them know when we're ready for visitors.
So I guess for now that's the "plan." But don't be surprised if his birth story is very different from what I have envisioned in my head :)
Now That’s Love by Ree
18 hours ago