May 9, 2012

The "Plan"

I'm hesitant of even typing this out because after Asher's Birth I know that some things don't go according to plan.  I thought I was prepared for Asher's birth but when he came a couple of weeks early via emergency c-section I wasn't ready.  The thought of a c-section had never even crossed my mind.  Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with this lil guy I started looking into VBAC's and asked Dr Austman if it was an option.  I was SO excited when she told me she thought I had a great chance at having a VBAC (because my c-section was because of Asher and not me).  Beyond that I didn't really have any plans.  A couple of months ago I started thinking a little more seriously about trying to do this without medication.  Yes, I just said that.  But after reading Leah's unplanned med-free birth story with Isaac and her planned med-free birth story with Ezra I was even more convinced that it was something I wanted to look into.  Then a couple of weeks ago I read how Katie was grateful that her epi wore off and she was able to feel the pain of childbirth and I was sold.

Although I am so grateful that Asher was healthy when he arrived his birth wasn't what I thought it would be.  At first I think I was just so overwhelmed by the whole experience, then I was just trying to heal and take care of a newborn that I didn't really think about HOW he got here.  It really wasn't until I was pregnant this second time that I reflected on his birth and how I feel about it.  I don't want to say that I felt "cheated" because in the end all I wanted was a healthy baby and that is what I got.  I think it more has to do with the fact that this is my last baby (according to my husband) so I want to do it MY way.

After Asher was born they held him up for me to see him for a few seconds and that was it.  I watched his birth video a couple of months ago and there was Dustin in the nursery with him while I was being put back together.  There were my Mother-In-Laws fussing over my newborn that I hadn't really even gotten to see yet.  There was me being wheeled into the recovery room completely dazed and out of it.  I did not get a chance to hold my baby and have some "alone time" because of all of the family there wanting to see him.  Not that I can really blame them - we do make pretty cute babies.  But this time - I want it to be different.

I guess its the part of me that feels the need for control.  I want to actually experience the whole birth process.  I want to be the first person to bond with my baby.  So I'm hoping that this time things go a little more according to plan.  BUT that doesn't mean that I'm naive enough to think that another c-section isn't a possibility or that I won't be screaming for an epidural before we even get to the hospital.

Dustin is still trying to get me to opt for a c-section because it is just "easier."  I told him if he has the next child he can choose how he wants to give birth.  My Mom (who will be with me) has told me repeatedly that I'm a wuss and I'll never make it.  Gee, thanks Mom.  I really do think my saving grace will be Lynn.  Not only is she one of the most calming and supportive people I've ever met - but I know for a fact that she'll be the one there to encourage me through this.  No offense to Dustin and Mom whom I both love to death - but I think they will be totally stressing me out - or maybe they'll totally surprise me.  I guess we'll see.  Although I do want my Mom there for labor/birth I have told her as soon as he is born she'll need to get out.  I want that time alone as a family.  And I've expressed to family that we'll let them know when we're ready for visitors. 

So I guess for now that's the "plan."  But don't be surprised if his birth story is very different from what I have envisioned in my head :)


leah @maritalbless said...

Oh my dear, I'm so sorry you've had such a lack of support already! Reading that Dustin and your Mom don't think you can do it is just heartbreaking. :( Every baby is a blessing regardless of how they arrive, but I hope you get the birth YOU want!

leah @maritalbless said...
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Julie S. said...

I too, felt somewhat cheated after Brayden was an emergency C-section, but after talking to my dr, we both knew a VBAC wasn't in the cards for Kenley. I totally applaud you for choosing to do what you want, what you think is best- and I so hope that you get to experience the birth you want!